Since the Sooners had a week off this last weekend, I too have decided to step out of the cupcake factory for the week. This week all awards are going to be movie based (since movies and cupcakes go hand in hand), I will give out the award and since I have been unsuccessful in contacting the recipients of the awards, I wrote out their acceptance speeches on their behalf (you’re welcome). It’s award time…”Bring it on!”
Matthew McConaughey would love to present this one, it’s the “How to Lose a Game in 10 Days” award. Accepting this award on behalf of the Miami Hurricanes is Canes’ quarterback Jacory Harris. “Hello, first off I would like to thank the academy for letting us have 10 days to prepare for a team and still be able to lose. I just wish things were a bit easier for us, ya know? Maybe if we could just run around on the beach without shirts filming movies (pause for laughter)…Anyway, we will be prepared to play the Sooners, we get a full 7 days this time, so we won’t be surprised (Look perplexed when there is more laughter).”
Now, for the “Varsity Blues—I don’t want your life” award. Accepting this award on behalf of Tim Tebow is Jesus. “The mightiest of the mighty hath suffered a horrendous fate. Whilst the angel I hath sent to protect the chosen one slippeth out to find a room of rest, the wrath of an unblocked linebacker and the knee of the unsuspecting shall thwart the progress of the head of the holy toward the earth. So I say unto thee fair Tebow, let not yourself be disheartened, find comfort in me and another trash bag in the hands of a trainer whilst young males in the Philippines long for your return so more circumcisions can be performed”… Thank you, thank you Jesus. Wow, what just happened?!? Not sure where that was going, but we’ll be right back after the break (pause with awkward smile at the camera).
Welcome back! Alright, here to present the next award is Jim Carrey. “Thank you, thank you. I reheheally am honored to be here. The winner of the “Dumb and Dumber…Harry your hands are freezing!” award is….the Penn State Nittany Lions! Accepting on their behalf is the head coach of Penn State, Joe Paterno, alrighty then!” Joe: “Well, I am trying to learn what Twittering is. I thought that was what happened when you see a girl in high school. Anyway, the white out didn’t work for us. We’ll see if we can’t find a way to pay everything back to our fans. Right now we have a suitcase full of IOU’s, those are as good as cash (look lost, push up glasses, walk off stage).
Finally, accepting the “John Wayne rough tough and not going to take sh*t from anybody” award is head coach of the University of Oklahoma football team. “Well, certainly, I don’t appreciate questions about Sam not going pro. I gave him all the information I could in regards to the draft and he wanted to stay. I’m not here to defend his choice. I find this entirely disrespectful, thanks for the award.”
That is all we have time for today, please look for the “standard” cupcake awards to return next week!
~Steven
1 day ago
